Job for Which I May Be Qualified

Did you ever sit and wonder what job for which you just might be perfectly qualified if such a job really did exist? You can bet I have. Otherwise, why would I have brought it up? I like to think of my ideal job as being in the public relations/marketing niche, with my particular corner seeing me as a freelance, independent agent serving all manner of offices and businesses where the public happens to congregate for any period of time. This would include doctors' offices and other medical waiting rooms, restaurants, especially the outdoor type in good weather, bars, and other venues where people do not expect anything out of the ordinary. Herewith, my prospectus.

What I have in mind is my patented Local Color® option to be put in place by my client companies. My role, simply put, would be to sit in the public areas of the various clients and engage their clients in good conversation, witty repartee and, for a slight additional charge, the occasional metaphysical dialogue. As far as the other clients would be concerned, I would just be another person waiting to be served, but with a distinction, and that distinction is the ability to rattle on and on about nearly any subject with a good deal of savoir faire, wit, humor and assumed intelligence.

Let us say someone enters the waiting room and begins, as people will do, to comment on the weather. There is nothing to lower the tone of a waiting room like some buffoon going on and on about the weather a la, "Hot enough for you?" Once that first thunderbolt is off, most people would give up and die of ennui on the spot. That is because they have never been served by Local Color®. "Hot enough for you," is routinely met by me with references to my time in Hell when I was given a personal tour by some of the nastier names in history. Modesty forbids the revelation of those names, but I am sure you would recognize a dictator or two, the man who invented PowerPoint, and one or two Karaoke stars. (Yes, without going into details, I am able to give complete assurance that there is in fact a special Karaoke Hell.) I then give a physical description of the place, very much similar to Dante's depiction in his famous work. By the time I have finished, those still waiting for appointments are trying to sign up for times when I will have a future appointment. I am often asked in these settings, "Hey. Come here often?"

Doctors will be especially interested in Local Color's® special attention to pharmaceutical representatives, especially the pesky ones who never bring lunch. A carefully scripted scenario has been worked out for the specialty of each medical office. Let us take, for example, the oncology office. Now first off, you have a roomful of patients who are none too happy to be there. The next thing you know, some kid, about one third the median age of your patients walks in, dressed in a suit and shoes that cost more than two of your car payments. And you know, along with that crease in his trousers and that shine on his shoes, he has a song on his lips and a sales pitch in his black heart. Well, let's just see how Mr. Pharma Rep handles a routine patient query, such as, "Psst! Buddy! Got any psychotropics? No? Got anything with any street value?"

It is immediately apparent to the astute person the customizable opportunities available to each business and even to specific lines of business within large organizations. Why let your business simply exist one more day when the Local Color® professional is ready to serve you at a moment's notice? Make that call today and put us to work. We need the cash.