Shaving Habits Must Change

Friday on the cancer ward and we all look forward to a lovely weekend when, as far as time goes, things slow down from the speed of the sedated sloth to the glacial crawl of the clock. But there is a project afoot that may take up a good portion of the weekend and bring the perceived clock speed up to that of, say, traveling behind an indecisive senior citizen trying to decide whose turn it is at a four-way stop sign. I need to buy a razor.

When I say I need to buy a razor, it comes down to two simple choices, electric or manual. Since my choice here is predicated upon the side effects of the chemotherapeutical agents, I probably should be heading over to the electric razor aisle at about this point. My skin, especially on the face, is beginning to crack and bleed once again, so a manual blade razor seems a poor choice, especially given the constant tremors in my hands. Actually, without even looking at the razor, my face looks like someone has been trying out their birdshot on it. Further checking with the doctor on this subject may be advisable even though all the "consumer" literature (when did I become a consumer as opposed to a patient?) says electric razors are the way to go.

When I say I need to buy a razor, I most likely have no idea what I am talking about, especially if I pay attention to the marketing put out by the various manufacturers of such equipment. No, I do not expect to be let go with a simple purchase; I will need to be educated in what are called, "men's grooming" products, which cover God only knows what manner of strange appliances and devices, some of which appear to be giving a sly wink to the vaguely erotic. And I have seen some ads on the television that suggest the electric razors of one sort or another will have scantily-clad women about a third my age wantonly draping themselves all over me. I can barely take care of myself right now. At this point I have no idea what I would do with a woman of any age, scantily-clad or otherwise.

Getting on to the web sites to look for information for the various electric models is easy enough, once I figure out that I am not looking for an electric razor or an electric shaver, but am looking for something in the line of men's grooming essentials. It is all in the wording and in this case the marketers are in control. Once you realize you are looking for something called a grooming essential, you must decide on rotary or foil. Now we have to define terms again. What is rotary and what is foil? The pictures do help. The rotarys all seem to have three cutting surfaces as opposed to the one displayed by the foil models. Why not trihead and unihead? Those prefixes might make it too easy to figure, thus reducing the mystagogic nature of this selection. We are about to enter into, after all, someone's holy of holies.

The essentials dispensed with, not much is left but basic comparison shopping and it's barely lunch time late on Friday morning. It's going to be a long weekend.